On Gaiaberries and Guilt
by macrauchenia
Summary: Merlin is fed up with being not fed enough. When he finally snaps in front of Prince Arthur and his merry band of mutton munchers, several delicious surprises come his way. However, one little "surprise" may just be a little too much for them to handle - No Pairings - Inspired by 4x4 - ThreeShot - COMPLETE
1. Part One

**Title:** On Gaiaberries and Guilt  
**Rating: **K+ - Minor words and...food angst?  
**Timeframe/Info About This Fic: **Inspired by the scene in 4x4 where the knights were messing around with the food and Merlin (as well as the episodes with the er, gorgeous Wildren)  
**Disclaimer:** If I owned Merlin, Wildren and Gaiaberries would be a staple to any diet.  
**Authors Note: **This is a little threeshot that I've cooked up (geddit? _cooked _up -shot-). It was originally meant to be a oneshot with Merlin complaining...but I was suddenly inspired to add something else. Hopefully you guys'll like it :D

* * *

Merlin was fed up. Not literally—that was the exact opposite reason as to why he was so frustrated. No, Merlin, secret warlock and protector of Prince Arthur was tired of _not _eating. Arthur and his merry band of Camelot Knights had set off on another long trek through the wilderness looking for who _knew_ what—and _of course_ that meant someone had to come along to fix the capes, and mend the armor, and cook the food. Cooking the food _especially_ made Merlin furious.

"I don't see why they can't cook their own damn food," the boy grumbled into the pot where he was performing said action. "They've got hands and brains. Well, some of them do." He stirred the thick, simmering broth in the dark pot with abandon. Merlin no longer cared about conserving all of the soup any more. It wasn't as if he was going to get a spoonful anyway. Any extra that might have been miraculously spared would instead be donated to the dogs or the horses (which Merlin did not understand at all) or any random stranger passing by. Once, a bandit who had tried to _kill_ Prince Arthur was given a bowl of soup, and Merlin was forced to scavenge for rotten apples. When Merlin pointed this out, rather politely, in his honest opinion, he received a handful of insults, some halfcocked explanation, and a kick at the behind. Merlin sloshed the boiling liquid in the pot a bit more violently. If he couldn't have some of the soup, then he sure as hell would make sure the others didn't get their full amount either.

"_Mer_lin! Are you so much of an idiot that you can't even stir our dinner without making a complete fool of yourself? We still have to be able to eat that, remember?" Arthur's jeer brought the matter of food to the attention of the rest of the knights, and they soon flocked towards the scalding fire, the incensed cook, and the boiling vat of liquid. Not a good combination when the incensed cook was also perhaps the world's most powerful warlock.

Merlin gritted his teeth as the rest of the men all found faults with his methods of preparing food. Needless to say, the manservant was a bit bitter.

"There doesn't seem to be much left," Gwaine was smirking. _No doubt he stopped off at some tavern before we left. It's not like what I feed him is going to stay in his stomach anyway._

"You're no Royal Cook," Sir Leon agreed with a grin. _I'm sure you wish the Royal Cook was here instead of me. It's not like she is a powerful warlock whose destiny was foretold many centuries in advance. I'm certain that is more impressive than roasted lamb._

Even Percival's terse "I'm hungry" was particular grating to the boy magician. Only Lancelot did not pester the boy on his culinary skills—rather lack of skills. But he was still looking at the pot of food expectantly.

Like the tub of broth he was attempting to cook, Merlin's temper was boiling over. In a fit of anger that was rare for the boy, he threw the metal spoon back into the pot. Its loud clanging and the splashing, hot liquid caused all of the men to stop in their joking. Many jumped back and eyed the possibly deranged boy with caution. Merlin surged to his feet and rounded on the cause of all of his grief since he entered Camelot—Prince Arthur, the arrogant.

"I am sick and tired of all of this!" Merlin's voice was just short of shrieking. "I have made every single meal and instead of a simple 'thank you,' I get complaints and insults." He took special care to shoot a glare at Sir Leon and Gwaine. "I may not be a Royal Cook, but I think my food isn't _that_ bad, thank you very much." Clearly exasperated, Merlin threw his hands up into the air and continued on his rant. "Not that I'd know what my food tastes like, mind you. From the moment these pointless quests begin, I _never_ get anything to eat. It's always 'go feed the horses, Merlin' and 'go collect more firewood, Merlin.' By the time I get _back_ to eat whatever may be left, it's _gone!_" The boy took a deep breath, but that was as much of a break he took. Based on the expression on Arthur's face, the moment he stopped his raving, he was bound to be hanged. But it felt so _good_ to get everything out…even if it was going to kill him.

Not like it mattered though, since he was going to starve to death eventually anyway.

"By the time we get back from these quests, my ribs are showing!" Merlin pressed down on his thin blue tunic. Someone, the young warlock had a feeling it may have been Gwaine or Lancelot, reached towards the spot to see if the boy was right. Not wanting to be distracted from his rant, Merlin slapped the hand away savagely and continued his shouting. About ten minutes had passed, and Merlin was finally starting to wind down. He was honestly shocked that he was able to get so much off of his chest that was related only to food. As he made his last scathing remark dealing with Gwaine's socks and shelled beans, he observed the various expressions on the faces of his audience. Percival was, like always, about as stoic as a rock. The usual smirk had vanished from Gwaine's face, and was replaced by a slightly gaped mouth. Lancelot had a deep frown stitched across his face, lines wrinkling his forehead. Sir Leon looked quite embarrassed with a deeply flushed face, which did not flatter him at all. Elyan's eyes were wide and focused solely on the ground. There was only one man in the party who did not look particularly ashamed from the boy's rant. Arthur simply had his arms crossed and raised a single blonde eyebrow. He cleared his throat and the other knights took that as their not-so-subtle signal to leave. All four of them tried hard not to meet Merlin's fierce gaze as they slunk away.

"Is that how you really feel, Merlin?" Arthur's voice was calm, which made the manservant wince slightly. _What was that phrase? It's always calm before the storm?_ However it went, it was a pretty apt description of his relationship with Arthur's larynx.

Merlin nodded angrily. _No point in backing down now. I've already sacked myself._ "I don't think you treat me well at all. I'd appreciate a thank you every now and then. A little bit of the _food I actually made_ would be nice as well."

"You're the servant, though. It's your job to prepare everything for us," Arthur countered, still in the same even tone. Somehow, Merlin could tell, he just wasn't quite able to grasp the reason behind his manservant's anger.

Unable to come up with a decent answer, since Arthur's basic logic seemed pretty straightforward, Merlin mumbled a few choice words under his breath as he stomped back to the fire. He continuously claimed that he was no longer their cook, but no one paid him any more attention than usual. The knights of Camelot all knew that Merlin wouldn't stop making food, even if the world was ending.

The worst part was that Merlin knew it too. Because if he stopped cooking, Camelot would soon fall due to a lack of leaders. They'd starve, and Merlin supposed that'd mean there'd be no Albion then. _Which it probably wouldn't be a good thing to defy my destiny,_ he thought as he settled back down to the fire to finish making the meal for that ungrateful band of knights and their pompous leader.

Merlin stirred a handful of herbs into the soupy liquid in hopes of attempting to give the brownish liquid the semblance of flavor. As he watched the dried leaves swirl in the bubbling broth, a thought struck the boy. "I could be serving them poison…and they'd never know until it was too late." A crooked smile tugged at the corner of the boy magician's mouth.

_That's actually not that bad of an idea…_

* * *

**What is Merlin going to do? Hopefully we'll find out sometime soon, and hopefully Merlin's narration isn't too...grunmpy xD Thanks for reading! Please let me know if you guys like these little "On blank and blank" things! :D**


	2. Part Two

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Merlin, Wildren and Gaiaberries would be a staple to any diet. Yum.  
**Authors Note: **Quite frankly, I'm surprised on how fast I got Part Two up. Updating quickly is not my forte.  
Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed, favorited, or followed. It really made my day to see all these messages in my inbox. Perhaps _that_ is what made me update so quickly. Notsosubtlehint! Notsosubtlehint!

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Merlin awoke to have the most delicious smell tickle his nose. He instantly ruled it out as a dream for several reasons. First, he was the only one who cooked food, so unless he mastered the art of "sleep-cooking," none of the other knights were surely going to touch that grimy old cooking pot. Second, it must have been a dream, because the smells coming from whatever it was were far more pleasant than anything Merlin had ever made. Only in his dreams could the warlock make something that literally made his mouth water. The third oddity completely cinched it for the boy: Percival was hovering over him with the most bizarre expression. The usually stoic man's face seemed to be split in two with a boyish grin as he pushed something towards Merlin.

"Merlin! Wake up!" Percival was saying. Or at least that was what Dream Percival was saying.

The boy squeezed his eyes tighter and rolled over. "Mrrmmm… Lemme sleep…" Merlin drowsily mumbled. This dream was too weird already, but he wanted to see how it unfolded.

"Merlin!" A sharp prod at the boy's shoulder caused to him to briefly break the veil of unconsciousness. "Wake up."

"Wha…?" Merlin grumbled, back still facing the eager knight. "Tell Arthur to find his own damn firewood." The boy was still too sleepy to care about his "impertinence." In fact, he hoped Arthur was there to hear him say that. He had gotten little to no sleep already, and after his rant about the food last night, he was eager to find more reasons to yell. Merlin would be the first to admit that he enjoyed the clearance his fellow travelers gave him after that. For once, they finally looked at him more than a silly servant.

"I made breakfast."

_What?_ One of Merlin's eyes popped open, and he rolled back over to see what form of dark magic had possessed Percival _this_ time. The brawny knight was offering a silver serving dish to the boy, the demonically bright smile still on his face. Merlin was definitely awake now. _Clearly this is a trap, _he thought as he warily eyed the steaming brown liquid with light, pale chunks of meat. If it was a trap, certainly it was the most enticing one he had ever come across. His stomach rumbled loudly. Temptation was a nasty monster.

"Percival, what is that?"

"Your breakfast."

Merlin tilted his head, one side of his smile pulling up slightly. "No, really. What _is_ that?"

"Your breakfast."

A man of few words.

Merlin sighed loudly. This enchantment was a tricky one. "Percival, do you feel alright? What is this for?"

Percival smiled slightly, the warm expression looking very out of place on his normally blank face. "You didn't eat much last night."

_Ahh... I knew something was going to come from my, er, rant last night. _Merlin eyed the hearty soup again, his suspicions rekindled. _I bet they poisoned it. They want to kill me._

The large knight suddenly looked worried. "Do you not like it?"

Merlin shook his head. "It just seems weird that you would do this for me. It looks delicious," Merlin reached for a spoon. _If I'm going to die, at least I'll get one last decent meal in. _He shoveled some of the stew and a chunk of the meat in his mouth. Instantly the boy's posture crumpled. As he had imagined, it was one of the most delicious things he had ever consumed. It even rivaled Gaius's roasted chicken. Merlin chewed slowly, savoring each mouthful and praying that the poison was slow acting.

He wanted to eat the whole pot before he keeled over. This food was worth dying for. A loud moan escaped the boy's mouth as his shoulders drooped in pleasure. He hadn't realized how hungry he was until then.

Percival looked pleased by the manservant's reaction to his dish. "Do you like it?" Merlin was only able to spare a spastic nod as he reached for another bite. "My mother made it often when I was a child." The knight paused. "Sorry for not being nice to you, Merlin."

That was the most Merlin ever thought he heard the giant say at once, and he was touched. Setting down the empty spoon, Merlin looked at Sir Percival. "I think that's the nicest thing I think I've ever heard you say," he swallowed. If Merlin was the sentimental type, he probably would have cried.

Just then, Elyan crashed into the clearing with an armful of something. He stared at the empty serving dish at Merlin's side, and a horrorstruck expression flashed across his face. Merlin's own gut contracted painfully. _Did Percival really poison me?_

"Oh no!" Elyan was lamenting. "I thought I was getting breakfast."

Merlin frowned. If he still couldn't taste Percival's delicious, albeit possibly deadly, stew on his lips, he'd have probably still been under the impression that he was still in the most bizarre dream he had ever had in his short life.

Elyan walked over and sat down next to the two men. Merlin could finally see what was in the young man's arms. Every sort of berry and nut was there, including a few that Merlin had never even seen before. He made a mental note to tell Gaius about those if he ever made it home. Seeing the ripe, plump fruit and the dark nuts made Merlin twist his lips to the side. They looked good.

"I was going to give you this for breakfast, but I guess Percival already made you something." Elyan sounded…disappointed. Merlin blinked. So many people trying to make him breakfast at once was starting to become overwhelming. And he still wasn't sure if he was dying or not. If he ate fast enough though, he might be able to sneak in a few of those fruits before the poison set in.

"I'm still hungry," the manservant added helpfully. It certainly wasn't a lie; dessert would be nice to finish off the great meal. Elyan looked extremely pleased as he tried to shove all of the various fruits and nuts into Merlin's arms.

"I've gotten pretty good at foraging while I was off on my own," Elyan explained. Merlin was too busy trying to hold everything to really pay attention. Elyan held out a greenish purple bunch of berries towards him. "Here, try these." Not even stopping to inspect the weird fruit, he stuffed the entire bunch in his mouth, grinning at the sweet and tangy taste. After eating more than what was in a royal fruit basket, Merlin finally had the strength to stop eating. He was stuffed; never before had the boy ever eaten so much.

Chewing thoughtfully on one last of those greenish purple berries, the manservant finally decided to ask about the knights' sudden (and quite peculiar) change of heart.

Elyan looked surprised by the question. "Didn't you know? We're sorry for treating you so badly. Even though Prince Arthur says you're worthless, if you weren't around, we'd starve to death."

Merlin raised an eyebrow. Both men just proved that they were more than capable cooks.

Elyan shifted uncomfortably. "Well, we wouldn't _stave_, but we'd get tired of cooking every day."

"Right." The manservant yawned and stretched. His eyes were slowly starting to drift close. The delicious food settling comfortably in his stomach was as effective as any sedative Gaius could make. Even though he knew he had a lot of work to do, Merlin didn't feel very motivated to move anywhere. Suddenly a hand was on his shoulder, pressing him back onto his still warm bed mat. His thin blanket was over him, and he could barely stay away. He mumbled something, but even he had trouble making out what he was saying.

"Shh… Just take a break, Merlin." Elyan's voice sounded as if it was coming across an ocean, despite the fact that the knight was only a foot away.

"Sleep," Percival added. Somehow he was able to make the gentle suggestion sound like a forceful command.

Merlin sighed contently and shifted in his little sleeping spot. It's not like he could defy a knight's command, after all.

* * *

When Merlin woke up, he was painfully reminded of the best dream he had ever had. _There was so much food…_ He sluggishly sat up and was shocked to see the bright sun high up in the sky. He had slept past noon. _Oh no. Arthur is _not _going to be happy. _Panicking, the manservant struggled to his feet, tripping as he rushed to the fire. The black cooking pot was already on the fire, and strangely enough, something was already bubbling in it. Merlin blinked at the cauldron, trying to grasp what was going on. He couldn't have been dreaming; there must've been a suitable answer for this madness going around. _Perhaps we have been found by sirens. They wish to please us before they suck out our souls._ Merlin stared dumbly at the fire until he heard hearty laughter behind him. He jumped to see Sir Leon and Lancelot emerging from the woods. Lancelot had several fish on the end of a makeshift spear while Leon was holding a handful of green leaves.

_What is going on…?_ Merlin was now starting to wonder if everyone in the camp was possessed.

"Good, you're up," Lancelot said with a grin. "I hope you like fish."

The boy stared warily at the two knights. He was trying to find proof that they were imposters. Two of the bravest knights of Camelot were cooking fish. For him, Merlin, manservant to Prince Arthur. Something _clearly _was wrong. This was too bizarre for even a dream.

"Elyan helped us find some potatoes and some greens to eat with the fish," Leon lowered his arms so Merlin could see the deep green leaves.

"I think this is going to be pretty good," Lancelot agreed. He had already started to prepare the fish. He took out a sharp dagger and neatly gutted the bright trout. Merlin shivered at the action. _Am I next…?_ Right about this time, Elyan and Percival returned with a bucket of water and some firewood.

"What's going on?" Merlin couldn't stand it any longer. Everyone was acting so weird. They were being _nice_ for once. It wasn't that Merlin minded, since it was nice to be appreciated for once, but it felt just so…not right. He was more frightened than he had ever been when going up against Morgana or another rouge sorcerer. At least he knew they wanted to kill him. Here, it was his best friends who had suddenly changed. He didn't know if he could ever hurt them to defend himself if the time came.

"What do you mean, Merlin?" Sir Leon looked confused.

"I-Wha-Yo—Why are you being so nice to me?!" Merlin all but shouted at the four men. "First Percival made me breakfast, and Elyan came with all these fruits. Then you guys let me sleep for hours, and now you're making lunch! What's going on?!"

Lancelot lowered his blade and smiled warmly at the young warlock. "We were ashamed of how we've been treating you. You were right when you yelled at us last night. Knights of Camelot should treat everyone with kindness and respect. You especially deserve to be treated well." Merlin wasn't sure if that had actually been in his speech, but he was still too confused to mention it.

"I guess what Lancelot is trying to say, is we're sorry for being so selfish, and we want to make it up to you." Elyan smiled at the uncertain boy.

He glanced around the campsite and noticed two knights were still unaccounted for. "Where's Gwaine? Where's Arthur?" All this kindness was starting to get a bit excessive. He needed someone to call him an idiot or make fun of his feminine traits (which he would deny vehemently).

"Don't worry. Gwaine's making dinner for us."

"Oh...kay…" Merlin started slowly. He wasn't particular thrilled about that idea. Things were already crazy enough; he didn't need Gwaine "flavoring" his meal with some smuggled cider. "Well, where's Arthur?"

Lancelot shot a long look at Leon. "Prince Arthur wasn't particularly…thrilled about what we wanted to do for you. He said you're his manservant, and it's your job to do all these things."

Leon nodded his agreement. "After we told him that you deserved to be treated nicer, he got sort of angry."

"He went off in the woods with his sword a few hours ago, and we haven't seen him since," Elyan finished. Percival nodded as he was stirring the simmering potatoes in the cauldron.

"You should've seen his face," Gwaine's loud laugh behind Merlin caused the boy to jump. The most carefree of the knights burst through the forest and settled down next to Merlin. He grabbed the younger boy's shoulders with one arm, pulled him to his chest, and delivered a horrible head rub with his knuckles. Merlin struggled to get out of the hold and threw a baleful glare at the knight. He was clearly drunk.

"You wouldn't believe what I found!" Gwaine slurred slightly. Sir Leon eyed him with a disdainful look. "Just a few miles from here is the most quaint little tavern." He waved a darkened bottle in the air. "For dinner," he grinned while taking a gulp from the jug.

Leon rolled his eyes. "Let's just hope Prince Arthur might've softened, and he's bringing dinner."

_Arthur? Soften? _Merlin surprised the urge to snort as a plate of freshly cooked fish and vegetables was set before him. His mouth watered, and he hastily picked at a hot potato. He didn't even care that the spud scalded his fingers. Everything was too good to wait the extra second for it to cool. This was quickly shaping up to be one of the best days of his life. And he hadn't even done anything.

* * *

Arthur was chagrined to find out that his knights and manservant had so little faith in him. When he arrived with a very magnificent roasted boar, Merlin wasn't the only one to ask if Arthur was under the influence of dark magic. The prince merely scowled.

"No, _Mer_lin, I am not being controlled by Morgana, so stop looking at me that way."

"But, Arthur…you've _cooked_!"

"Yes?" Arthur was starting to become annoyed. "So what?"

"But-? You can't! Remember that time with Gw—"

Arthur cut him off sharply. "She made me learn." Merlin smirked as Arthur's face took on a reddish shade. "It's entirely your fault, Merlin, that I was forced to cook for you."

"Oh?"

"Yes," Arthur brushed nonchalantly at invisible dirt on this tunic. "If you didn't go around being so pathetic, I wouldn't be forced to feed you. Princes shouldn't have to cook for their manservants, but if I didn't, I dread what would happen. You'd probably end up killing us or something like that. Besides…you're too skinny. I've heard complaints from neighboring kingdoms when they come to visit. They criticize me for having a too thin servant; it's beyond embarrassing for me. "

Merlin's lips parted into a toothy grin. "So you're saying that I've somehow managed to guilt you into making dinner for me? Because I'm too _skinny_…?" _I'll have to thank Gwen later for forcing him to learn how to cook. If his food doesn't kill me, first. _"Honestly, Arthur, I'm touched."

"This is only to preserve my dignity," Arthur insisted. "If I had my way, you'd eat a lot less than you already do."

Now the other knights were starting to smile. "Whatever you say, Sire." Merlin glanced at the roasted boar in front of him. "It does look good, though."

"Really?" Arthur perked up then scowled. "Just eat it, Merlin," he commanded. If anyone ever heard of this, he was sure to be the laughingstock of the Five Kingdoms. A prince feeding his servants. _Really_.

For once, Merlin obeyed an order without hesitation. He cut a sliver in the boar and brought the steaming piece of pork to his mouth. He chewed on it thoughtfully.

"Well?" Arthur's subtle eagerness to please was perhaps the best part of the meal. He refused to act like he cared, and yet it was so obvious to the others that the future king of Camelot was worried about his dish.

"It's interesting…" Merlin started slowly. He chewed a few more times and swallowed. He cut another sliver off. "But it's pretty good." He grinned at Arthur. "You sure you didn't get this from the palace kitchens too?"

Arthur glared at his manservant. "No."

"I'm surprised then," Merlin shrugged with a lopsided grin.

"Why do you doubt your future king?" Arthur actually sounded offended that his manservant was wary of his cooking.

"Let's just say," Merlin's grin widened, "that if I wasn't around, you'd probably already be dead. You can't even dress yourself—I'm amazed that you can cook this well." The manservant wiped a finger across the plate to catch some of the runoff sauce. "I've never had this before. What kind of sauce is it?" He stuck his finger in his mouth to sample the unique liquid.

"Gaiaberry sauce," Arthur stated proudly. "I came up with the recipe myself."

The reactions of the men were terrible. Elyan's eyes widened, and his lips parted in a limp "O." Sir Leon cringed, staring at Merlin as if he had the plague. Lancelot gasped, instantly knocking away the plate as if that could save the boy. Even Percival looked slightly panicked, and Gwaine stopped his drunken chuckles, a look of horror stretched across his face.

"I thought you were kidding…" he murmured, turning to face Merlin. Arthur's happy expression faded.

"What do you me-?" Arthur looked back to his manservant and froze. The boy was grabbing at his throat, his breath coming out in pained gasps and chokes. Already his skin was taking on a bluish hue. Arthur felt his stomach drop as the boy's extremities went from shivering weakly to trembling violently. Merlin tried to gag himself to rid his body of the toxins, but it was too late. With sweat beading across his icy skin, the boy fell collapsed into unconsciousness, leaving behind a deathly silent clearing.

* * *

**Poor Merlin. Just can't get a break, can he?  
So...uh...yeah? Thanks for reading :D The last part should be up sometime soon!**


	3. Part Three

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Merlin, Wildren and Gaiaberries would be a staple to any diet. Yum.  
**Authors Note: **Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed, favorited, or followed! This not so epic epic is finally coming to a conclusion. I'm pretty proud of myself, honestly. This is my first multichap fic that I've actually completed. It's three chapters... but baby steps. I'm making baby steps xD

* * *

It's not my fault that Merlin doesn't eat, _sulked a very sulky prince. _I don't see why they're doing this for him. It's his _job_ to feed us.

_ Still, the prince felt slightly guilty. Especially when Merlin had made the comment about his ribs showing through. It had been Arthur who had reached out to see if he was telling the truth, and his idiot manservant slapped_ _him. Merlin _slapped _the future king of Camelot. Arthur had been so surprised that he didn't say a word. He had barely composed himself by the end of Merlin's little outburst. When the other knights decided to cook all of the meals just for Merlin the next day, Arthur was quick to brush them off. However, his mind was already reeling with possible ideas. It was in the prince's personality to do things for people, but without them knowing what they were that he did until he told them. Rather, until he told them about it so often that they wished he hadn't done anything in the first place. As Arthur thought about the possible dishes that he would want to make, he stealthily eavesdropped on the other knights' conversations, scoffing loudly if they tried to include him in their plans. So far, all he heard about were soups, fruit, and fish. Arthur bet his crown he could come up with something much more extravagant. Then Arthur would have time to gloat. _

_ Arthur was going to create the best damn dish in Camelot for his ungrateful manservant. Even if it killed him._

* * *

_ Grudgingly, Arthur would admit that the food that Percival, Elyan, Leon, and Lancelot made looked delicious. It actually smelled better than anything his manservant had ever produced. The future king was partially tempted to fire Merlin and hire one of his knights to be his personal chef if he didn't think they would mind. _

_ But from the groans that he pulled from Merlin every time he told the boy to muck the stables, being Arthur's manservant was probably the world's worst punishment. And Arthur respected his knights too much to force them to do that. Gwaine included. _

Speak of the devil,_ Arthur thought as the very drunk knight crashed loudly by him. The small game that Arthur had been tracking for over an hour fled, and Arthur rose from his hiding spot, sore in both attitude and body. _

_ "Gwaine!"_

_ The knight looked surprised to see his future king. "Princess! Whar you doin' on the ground?" He slurred, a charming grin flickering across his face. He noticed the crossbow in Arthur's hands, and his grin threatened to split his face in half. "Are you getting someding for Merly too?"_

_ Arthur scowled. "Are you drunk?"_

_ "Completely and utterly," the man grinned again. For the first time, Arthur saw the opened bottle in the man's tight grasp. _

_ Arthur tried to excuse himself from the drunken knight's company, but apparently the knight liked him all of a sudden. Wherever Arthur went, Gwaine followed him like a lost puppy. His jabbering and stumbling was worse than Merlin's because at least Merlin knew when enough was enough, and sometimes he was even able to offer a witty insult. All the drunken man was able to do was fall on his face (something that Arthur enjoyed), insult the Pendragon lineage (something that Arthur did not enjoy), and scare away all of the game (something Arthur _really_ did not enjoy). Arthur half believed the man was more sober than he let on, since only a man who was at least partially clear-headed could come up with so many unique insults involving bean shells. _

_ Things got particular bad when Arthur had tried to lose the man so he could relieve himself. Still, the knight followed him. _

_ "Do you _mind?" _Arthur hissed, glaring at the man. Gwaine gave a good natured shrug and wandered off to inspect a berry bush a few feet away. When Arthur came back, the man was still staring, completely captivated, at the bush. _

_ "It's a Giburry bush," Gwaine told him matter-of-factly. _

_ "Yes, very good, Gwaine," Arthur's praise was dripping with sarcasm. He could only assume the man meant "gaiaberry." _

_ "I'm serpruzed you'd know what one is, _Princess,_" the man slurred back snarkily. He reached out to grab one of the glistening berries. Arthur smacked his hand away from the dangerous berries. It was so tempting to let the knight eat one; it'd certainly shut him up. However, Arthur knew his manservant would be inconsolable if something happened to Camelot's most annoying knight. And, quite frankly, Arthur didn't need the grief. _

_ Gwaine looked shocked and slightly hurt. "Wha wuz that for? I just wanted one."_

_ "They're poisonous, you idiot!" Arthur pointed at the gleaming berries. "Do you know what they could do to you?"_

_ One of Gwaine's eyebrows nearly rose into his hair. "Who told you that?"_

_ Arthur hesitated before answering. He didn't quite _know._ He tried to hide the fact that he was unsure. "Everyone knows gaiaberries are poisonous," he snapped._

_ Gwaine laughed, shook his head, and strode off. "Whatever, Princess."_

_ Arthur glanced back at the berries. _If Gwaine says they're safe…

* * *

"_What. Did. You. Do?"_ Each venomous word was accented by a jab to the royal's chest. Gwaine was foaming at the mouth almost as badly as Merlin had. But Merlin had an excuse, since he had just swallowed a deadly toxin.

Gwaine? Well, Gwaine was mad. And surprisingly sober once their mutual friend had just collapsed.

"You _idiot_!"

"You told me they were edible!" Arthur shouted back. "You were going to _eat_ one!"

Gwaine frowned. "When?"

"When you were drunk and followed me around the forest _for an hour!"_

The knight nearly choked on his own saliva. "And you believed me when I was _drunk?_"

"You were going to eat one!"

"I was _drunk!" _

This certainly wasn't one of Arthur's shining moments as future king. What would his father say if he found out that Arthur had actually listened to the advice of an incredibly drunk and spiteful knight?

"Why did you tell me they were edible?"

"Why did you believe me? Merlin's right about you sometimes. You really are th—"

The two would have continued to bellow at each other had the other knights not intervened.

"Prince Arthur! Gwaine!" Sir Leon shouted. Both rounded their glares on the man, who shrunk back slightly. "We _need_ to get Merlin to Gaius, now."

"You can argue about who is to blame later," Lancelot added. Personally, he thought they _both _were complete idiots.

The two men at fault exchanged glances. Gwaine's face took on a reddish hue while Arthur mumbled something about Leon being right under his breath. Percival and Lancelot rushed to ready the horses while Elyan and Sir Leon bent over Merlin, trying to do their best with their rudimentary knowledge of healing. The one who could have helped the most was currently unconscious. Arthur was a bit of a nervous wreck inside, even if he refused to show it on the outside. Despite what he argued, it really was his fault that Merlin had been poisoned. He _knew_ that gaiaberries were poisonous, and yet he still tried to feed them to his manservant. Arthur had a feeling he was about to go down in history as "Worst Master in History." He hovered over the shoulders of Elyan and Sir Leon, watching his manservant's struggling attempts to breathe.

After what felt like forever, Lancelot announced that it was time to go, and that the horses were prepared. The trip back to Camelot was one of the longest trips Arthur had even been forced to sit through.

The moment the horses crossed over the drawbridge, Arthur was already off of his horse and unbuckling the unconscious manservant from his. With a grunt, he hefted the boy over his shoulder and made his way as fast as possible to Gaius's chambers. If he stuck around a second longer, he would have heard Gwaine's sarcastic "he certainly looks guilty."

Arthur certainly felt guilty.

* * *

"You _poisoned _me!" was the first thing that Merlin said when he was finally conscious. Technically, the first thing that came out of the boy's mouth was quite a bit a croaking and quite a bit of spitting. After getting a glass of water, he was able to come up with actual words.

Arthur shifted uncomfortably. "Not intentionally," he muttered. Though, now that Merlin was awake and whining as usual, Arthur was starting to wish he had put a few more berries into the sauce.

Luckily for both of the young men, Gaius was not busy when Arthur knocked on the door with an unconscious Merlin. He was shocked when Arthur told him it was gaiaberry poisoning, but he didn't ask how it happened. He simply ushered the boys inside and immediately began to prepare an antidote. "How long ago did this happen?" Gaius had asked. When Arthur told him, the man's face took on a confused expression, but again he did not explain. Arthur had stayed the whole time. Not because he felt responsible and incredibly guilty, mind you. But because he had nothing else to do, he tried to convince himself. Peace treaties and knighting ceremonies weren't _that _important. A few hours later, Merlin was finally awake and glaring at his master as if he had tried to kill him or something like that.

"You _poisoned _me," the boy repeated. He was still unable to get over that slight detail. "I was having perhaps the best day of my life, and you _poisoned _me. Gaius told me he had to gag me in order to get rid of the toxins. That means everything about today is gone. All that's in my stomach now is some awful broth…" The boy's accusing voice took on a mourning tone.

"If you hadn't started complaining about the food, this never would have happened!"

"If you _fed_ me properly, or even treated me nicely at all, I wouldn't be forced to complain."

Arthur scowled at his pale manservant. "Once Gaius says you are free to go, prepare yourself for a ridiculously large amount of chores. I shall go out of my way to make you regret ever becoming my manservant."

"Don't worry, Sire. That's already been done," Merlin muttered.

"What? If I hear you complain _once, _I'll give you twice as many more things to do _and_ no food."

Merlin sighed loudly. "Well, it was fun while it lasted."

The room was silent for a moment as both young men waited for the other to say something. Finally Arthur decided to get what was off his chest.

"I'm sorry," he started in a low voice. Merlin tilted his head, blue eyes watching his prince intently. The warlock waited for the rest of the prince's apology, but it never came. However, Merlin got the gist of it. Arthur was sorry for poisoning him, working him to the point of starvation, and being an all-around horrible master. The prince would _never_ say any of that out loud, but Merlin had been around Arthur for long enough to know what the older man meant to say in the silence.

"I forgive you, Arthur." Arthur gave the boy a brief smile, clasped his shoulder, and stood to leave. Arthur was at the door when Merlin had to get out one last quip.

"But if you wanted a new manservant, all you had to do was tell me. You didn't have to try to kill me."

"It would have been the only way to get away from your idiotic prattling," Arthur replied in an irritated tone. Even though Merlin couldn't see the prince's face, he knew there was a brilliant grin stretched across his master's tan face that would have rivaled his own. The moment Arthur left, Gaius, who had been hovering innocently by a bookshelf, swooped in for questioning.

"How were you poisoned by gaiaberries? Did someone try to sabotage your trip?"

Merlin shook his head.

"Was it slipped into your food?" Gaius shook his head. "Never mind. You're the one who makes the food. It's highly unli—" The man stopped when he saw the large grin on Merlin's face stretch even farther.

"You'll be guessing until you're blue in the face, Gaius. I'll just tell you. I ate the gaiaberries."

The court physician gapped at his patient. "You _know_ they're poisonous."

"I know."

"What were you thinking?" Gaius was shocked by his ward's admittance of eating the lethal berries. "Just a few berries hold enough poison to kill a man."

"I know. That's why I took an antidote before eating them."

Gaius was not going to be swayed from his chance to lecture. It took a few seconds for the boy's words to finally sink in. "Merlin! I thought I had rai—" He stopped and stared at his adoptive son with a very confused expression. "What?"

"I took an antidote beforehand. The poison still felt awful, but I'm still alive, aren't I?"

"That would explain why you were still alive for so long after eating the berries." The court physician frowned. "If you knew you were about to eat gaiaberries—you must have known since you had the antidote—then why did you even eat the berries in the first place?"

"I wanted to poison myself," Merlin said with a shrug.

"Honestly, my boy," Gaius shook his head, not sure if he was believing what he was hearing. "You tried to _poison yourself?_ For what possible reason would you do something like this?"

Merlin smiled brightly. "So they would appreciate me more." He quickly told them about his rant while cooking dinner and the glorious meals that resulted from it. Then Merlin explained how Arthur had made him the boar with the gaiaberry sauce.

"How did you know Arthur was going to use gaiaberries? Surely he's smart enough to know that they are deadly…"

"Oh, Arthur knew they were lethal. We all do, Gaius." He sounded offended that the doctor believed them to be so ignorant when it came to dangerous berries. "I had to, ah, persuade Gwaine to get Arthur to use the gaiaberries."

"Persuade?" Gaius raised a snowy eyebrow.

"_Fine._ I used magic, okay?" Merlin snapped slightly. He always got a bit agitated when Gaius was about to criticize him for using magic in the "wrong ways." If using magic to manipulate his best friend into feeding him deadly poisons wasn't "right," he wasn't sure what was. He briefly retold the exchange between Gwaine and Arthur after he had collapsed. The antidote was powerful enough to keep his senses still intact, though it gave him the appearance of being practically dead. He could hear what went on, but he couldn't move a limb.

"Because even a completely drunk Gwaine still knew that gaiaberries were deadly, I had to…influence a few of his words. Luckily Arthur's more gullible than we give him credit for. He made the gaiaberry sauce…and that's where we are now!" Merlin smiled sunnily at his caregiver, hoping that his smile would dissuade another lecture on using magic for personal gain.

"I don't know if I should be impressed by your plans or concerned by your stupidity, Merlin," Gaius sighed. "It was a very…creative plan, but did you really have to _poison _yourself?"

"It was the only way they'd actually appreciate me. I thought it would be more worth it, though. Arthur's reaction was priceless…but now I have just as much work to do than before. More, I think, because Arthur somehow thinks it's my fault that he served me a poisonous dish and nearly killed me." The boy paused, reviewing this past sentence. "Well, it _is _my fault for poisoning myself, but he should be a _bit _more considerate. I nearly died, you know." The boy considered another thought. "Since Arthur said I have to go back to work when you say I'm healthy, can these gaiaberries give me some horrible, permanent affliction that prevents me from completing manual labor?"

"There is nothing wrong with you. You took the antidote, remember?" the doctor deadpanned.

When it became obvious that his ward was not completely insane, Gaius wasn't nearly as concerned as he was before. Now that everything was over, the old man actually found it to be a bit funny. However, he couldn't let Merlin that he personally approved of his little "prank." He had to teach the boy a lesson in responsibility about the potentially disastrous effects of using magic carelessly, after all.

Merlin groaned as he slid off of the bed. "Well, I might as well start then. I'm not sure if all of the poisoning and blame throwing was worth the half day of peace." He started towards the door.

"Oh, and Merlin?" Merlin looked over his shoulder at the old man. "When you've finished doing your chores for Arthur, please clean out the leech tank for me."

Merlin had half a mind to drink an entire vial of gaiaberry juice right then and there. Without the antidote.

* * *

**Thank you for sticking with me for three chapters! :D**


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